A minor detail in between

I posted about the reactions of people during my pregnancy and about the birth but forgot to post about my baby shower! It was super fun, just a few friends and family. Nothing big but nothing boring. I got lots of fun stuff and we had a blast playing games. It was a good time to be able to celebrate the fact that a baby is coming into this world without people thinking it's wrong or judging. It was all people that I loved and knew it could be a time to be happy about it. I have pictures, however they are on my other computer that is not hooked up at the moment. I'll have to post some later. (:

Labor and Delivery

I'll admit, the whole pregnancy, I was not afraid what-so-ever about giving birth. I went to see my sister right after she had my niece and the nurses coming in to "check on here" if you know what I mean. Even still, not worried. So I get to the very end. I was about 1 centimeter and 60% efaced for a whole 4 weeks! Trust me, he was not going anywhere! Therefore, I asked Dr. Mcneal to induce me. She happily agreed. I wasn't over due or anything, that's what I was preventing. Plus, it was going to be easier for my sister to make arangements to get to Arizona (she lives in Utah) and my mom to call in her days from work to stay home with me. She scheduled me for 3:00 in the morning on June 9. It was about 2:45 and I was getting ready to leave when I get a phone call from the hospital. No beds available. They will call me in the morning after people are discharged and I can go in. Too good to be true! May I remind you, I didn't eat anything for dinner in hopes of not pushing something else out in the process! I called at 6, nothing. I waited and waited. I didn't want to eat breakfast for the same reason. Finally at 9 I called again. There was room for me! THANK GOD! I hurried and took a bath, not like that would matter later, and we were headed out the door! Another reminder, It was now almost 24 hours since I had last eaten.
So we get to the hospital, checked in, and went to the room. It was about 10:30 by the time we got in there. My doctor came in at about 11 to break my water and get the Potosin started to start my contractions. The first nurse put my IV in wrong and my whole arm swelled up! I had a bruise for about 2 or 3 weeks! It was bad. But other than that, the beginning was a breeze. I wasn't feeling any contractions and actually, they had me helping out and coaching other patients that were having issues! (:
I got a little further into it. All I was eating were ice chips because that's all they allow. It had now been more than 24 hours since I had last eaten! Everyone was going to get lunch and left me there to starve! I was 3 centimeters for a long time. At least 4 or 5 hours. We didn't think I would ever progress. I then decided to get an epidural. I was feeling pain, but no unberable. I didn't want it to get that way though. (A decision I would later come to regret.) In the meantime, I was living the life, the life as good as it gets in labor! I had NO pain, but was so hungry it wasn't even funny! I was more than just tired, but it seemed that everytime I would happen to fall asleep, a nurse would come in the check on me and see how far along I was.
Eventuall I was progressing. I had reached about 8 centmeters by 1 in the morning. This is when my epidural decides to quit on me! It was horrible! The worste pain I or anyone could ever feel! I can't even begin to describe. The anesthesiologist came in twice to give me more but it didn't help. I kept pressing the button to release more but no luck! Finally, 2:30 am, time to push! Long story short, my mom was the only one in there. No Deedes (my sister; nickname) and no Armando. ):
I was having a lot of problems at first. I was crying and din't think I could do it. My doctor had to snap me out of it and right after she did, he was here! 3:01 am on June 10, 2008 baby Noah was born!
I was then crying, not because of the pain, but because he was here and I was so excited and relieved. About 30 seconds later I was crying for a different reason. He was not crying. Not breathing. My mom told me he was all gray! I heard them call in a NICU nurse. Finally, a good 2 or more minutes later I heard that little voice! Then it was tears of joy back on again! I couldn't ahve been more happy! Seeing that little face, little hands, little feet, little everything... It was just an unbelievable moment. The most rewarding experience of my life.




6 punds 11 ounces 20 inches long

Opinions

It was mostly through the winter that I started semi-showing a little bit. Nobody knew unless they were our good friends, because I had jackets on. As soon as spring hit, it got hotter. (After all, this IS Arizona.. Doesn't stay winter for long) People just looked. Nobody really said much, to me anyway. They talked amongst themselves. It bothered me at first, but I guess I got used to it and soon didn't notice the ridicule. I learned to ignore it. After a while people began to ask. "Katie, are you gaining weight?" "Katie, is there something you want to tell us." My teachers (because I was still in school) never asked. They just knew I guess. I will admit, I loved the special attention and being able to get out of class when I wanted due to the fact that I had to "use the restroom." It was sort of embarrassing walking down the hall and everyone moving for you. It's not like I was going to push them all down with this belly.
I was still a teenager. But I guess that's something people don't realize. A lot of people just aren't mature enough to handle the fact that I was having a baby. Even people in my family (not my immediate family), would talk about me to other aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. It's really something that you would think, people would learn to accept. I still have a couple cousins that just can't seem to get over things. They like to say mean things just because.
"Katie really gained a lot of weight!" That one was my favorite. After all, I wasn't pregnant or anything.
"Katie's not going to know how to raise a teenager." NOBODY DOES! I don't care if you're 15, or 35. You've never done it before so you won't know how it's done. You learn as you go. A baby is a learning experience. You don't just wake up in the hospital after giving birth and know exactly what to say and do every step of the way.
"I never told anyone anything." You know how said that first one was my favorite.. I changed my mind! Everyone would always say they weren't talking. But come on, it's common sense. I'm no where near being stupid.

I had a teacher at school, man, I'll never forget. "You're parents should have raised you better." This lady has apparently never met my mom and dad. I have a VERY smart dad, who believe it or not, I do take after. I have a mom who's worked extremely hard for all 4 of us since day one. You can be the very best parent in the world and still come out with a kid that is just not the little angel you wanted him/her to be.

Every time I walked out in public I would get looks as if I was some sort of alien or something. Like nobody's ever seen such a thing. Open your eyes people, it's 2008! The sad part about that, I never looked at anyone, I never noticed they were starring at me. But boy they didn't give up. I was just trying to go about my business and not mind everyone else. I guess it just goes to show how immature people truly are. Not being able to ACCEPT. Think about this, Jesus accepted everyone. God will except even the most violent people from here on Earth and take him when he leaves. But people can't even simply PRETEND they weren't noticing me.

Trimester #1

At first, I thought it couldn't get any worse than the beginning. People were slowly finding out, but didn't necessarily believe it. I felt sick some days, and fine other days. Not a lot of exciting things happened this first trimester other than my fist gyno appointment! Wowie. If you like your privacy, kids are definitely not for you! It was really awkward and all that was running through my mind was "they're gonna laugh at me later! They think I'm weird!" But when it was all done, I didn't mind as much as I thought I would. I got my first ultra sound that day. December 6, 2007. It was a vaginal one, so not too much fun as they usually are.


Yes, he's a little alien! But it was the coolest thing ever; seeing him kicking around, and that little heart beat! I already loved him!

Confession #4

My dad told them, as I was explaining he would do. My mom didn't call me all day. I don't even think we talked until the next day. She was beyond mad. For about 2 days we didn't say much about it. I think she was embarrassed at first, as was I. Eventually we talked about it a little more. She cried, I cried, neither one of us knew what was going to happen next. She told me she will always love me no matter what I do in my life and everything would be ok. Armando's parents took it a little better. My dad talked to them and explained it's not the end of the world and everything was fine. His dad was talking about "I guess I'll have to pull Armando out of school so he can work full time." Well my dad wans't having that. He told him absolutely not, Armando needs to stay in school if he ever plans of making better for that baby.
I know some people are not as lucky to have understanding parents (besides my mom at this point, just wait...) and be fortunate enough to finish school. But there are tons of ways. The first thing you need to have is faith. Faith in yourself, faith in god, and faith in destiny... That everything will fall into place as it should be. The next thing you need to do is DON"T STRESS OUT! And the third thing, remember that no matter what, YOU CAN!
Now, back to my story. There is kind of a hole in it at this point. Not a whole lot happened with the people around me. Other than it was really weird going to school and nobody knows but you feel like they're all staring at you like they do. My mom was being nice, but still didn't really come around for about 2 months. And from here on out, it was all belly...

Breaking the news

It all started with a phone call. Or a text message rather. It was about 8:00 at night and all I had been doing for the past hour was cry. By this time a week had gone by since I found out. I knew something had to be said but I didn't know what to do or how to tell anyone. So I started with my sister, my best friend. I sent her a text message. Lame I know, but it was the only way I could spill my guts. So, after a couple texts asking her if she was going to hate me, etc, I told her I thought I was prego. She said to me she could never hate me and she loves me. Exactly the words I needed to hear at that point. She then proceeded to call me and talk about it with me. By now I wasn't the only one crying. She asked if I had taken a test and I told her I did, positive. She didn't know what to do so she called my step mom who also delt with my step sister getting pregnant at this age so she thought she could handle it better. After about 20 minutes I get a call from my step mom saying she loves me and she's sorry. She talked to me about my options and explained that it's nobody's decision but my very own. Which is so true. Nobody can tell you what to do for your's and your baby's life. Adotion, abortion, keeping it... It's all up to the person that created the situation in the first place.
So, after much talk about that and me explaining there was no way I could kill an innocent baby or carry it for nine months and then say goodbye, she called my dad! My biggest fear! He was never going to talk to me again! Boy was I ever so wrong! He was the most supportive one. He sent me a text saying "I love you forever. No matter what." (Still gets me a little teary!) He also said he didn't call because he will in the morning and I need to get some sleep. He called the next morning and said he would come by and pick me up (since I was at my mom's) and then later that day he would come back over here to talk to my mom with me out of the hosue so no yelling would take place in front of me. He also said he would take a trip to Armando's house that day to talk to his parents so they don't freak out on him either. He knew this was not a time to get mad or yell and tell us how stupid we are. It's a time to be supportive, show us how much they love us, and be there in our time of need.
So, as he promised, he was on his way to break the news to my mom and Armando's family...

The Beginning

I was a little over 15 and a half. I had the best boyfriend ever and everything was going great. School was fun, I was going to football games, staying out late at the movies, the whole nine yeards. It was the first week in October when my friends Amanda, April, and I went to Disneyland for Amanda's birthday. I was so disappointed because I was suppose to start my period while we were in Disneyland. I'm sure you all know how much fun that would NOT have been. Well, it didn't come. I wasn't too worried because we all know that young girls are still irregular from time to time. So we get home from our trip and still nothing. Hours pass, days pass, a week and a half has already gone by and still nothing. Ok, time to panic! I told my boyfriend what was going on and asked him what he would do if I was pregnant. He said no matter what's going on, he'll be there. So the next Wednesday we had a half day at school and we decided to go get a test. I was so nervous and scared. I thought the cashier was going to stare at me or judge me so I had my boyfriend (Armando) go down the aisle and get it and pay for it himself. Anyway, after walking around the store for a while trying not to pay attention to the fact that now that lady at the counter knows what's going on, we left.
When we got home I dindn't take it right away. I guess I just had this gut feeling that I knew it was going to be positive and I just didn't know how to take that. We talked for a while as if nothing was going on, watched a little TV and played on the computer. When Armando wasn't paying any attention, I took the test to the bathroom and follwed the directions carefully. I'm sure you all know where this is headed. After seeing the word "PREGNANT" on these new very high tech pregnancy tests they have now, I didn't know what to think. A million thoughts were racing through my mind at once. "Armadno's gonna ditch out on me, my mom and dad are going to hate me, my sister is gonna stop talking to me, how will I finish school, is this real??"
After pondering all those thoughts, I came out to show him. I didn't say a word, just handed the test to him. He didn't really say anything either. He looked really shocked, scared, and about to cry. I told him before we jump to any conclusions I'll take the second test in a couple days and the third one in a week.
I can't even remember if we talked about it much the first week or what we even said. It was all just so surreal. I wasn't sure of anything at this point anymore. And this is where the longest journey of my life has started.

My first Confession

Okay, to get things started, I am creating this blog to keep a journal of my everyday life from my perspective for everyone to see. So everyone will truly understand how it is and what it means to be a teenage mother. It's here to communicate with other teenage moms and share stories, to show other young girls how it is and possibly prevent them from the challenge. A lot of people like to think of a baby out of wedlock, especially to a teenager, a "mistake." It's everything BUT that. No child placed on this Earth by God is considered a mistake. Babies are placed here for a reason; to teach us adults the most amazing lessons in life, to challenge us and make us work hard, and to show us it's okay to be scared and no matter what, everything works out. So, I hope all of you looking at this will get a taste for what it's really like, how hard it is, but at the same time... how absolutely wonderful having a baby can be.